The common image of a male chastity keyholder is one of a woman who is in control and cares only for herself, her own pleasure and her own satisfaction. And while women like this do exist and there are men who enjoy this kind of relationship with them, the truth is most couples are not interested in such an extreme expression of the game.
Why have a…
Because many men crave serious and inescapable make chastity. And while that’s a fantasy that can never really become true, having a chastity keyholder makes it as real as it can ever be.
And it’s also true most men when they raise the subject will profess a desire to be locked up more or less permanently and to be allowed release very infrequently if ever, but this is an emotionally charged desire which bears little relation to what the man actually wants from his life as a chaste male.
The reality is the man actually wants more from his sex life, not less. It is not an obvious connection to make because it’s reasonable for an inexperienced male chastity keyholder to “lock him and leave him“.
In my experience, this is one of the biggest causes of problems in the lifestyle, especially in the early days.
And, ultimately it always comes down to a lack of communication – the man isn’t clear about what he’s offering and he’s not clear about what he expects.
Some would argue he’s not entitled to “expect” anything, although unless you’re taking up a strict D&S lifestyle with your wife or girlfriend playing the part of the strict Mistress then I think this is dangerous thinking for your relationship.
Because as I find myself repeating over and over again, simply because men asking their women to rush headlong into being their male chastity keyholder are missing some crucial points:
- This is an old fantasy for you, but it’s all new to your lady. Until she’s had some time to become accustomed to the idea and to become used to playing the game and familiarised herself with the rules you both agree to play by, she won’t have a clue what’s expected of her.
- If one of the things in your marriage you want to change is a stale sex-life, then something has to push you both in the right direction. If she hasn’t been teasing you for the last 20 years, never mind teasing and denying you orgasm at the end of it, she’s unlikely to start now unless you tell her this is what you want.
- It is almost certain she’s never been a male chastity keyholder before. And you’ve never been on the receiving end of it. So, since you’re both new to it, how can you expect to magically get it “right” from the outset unless you’re prepared to talk about it, try some new things, compromise and, yes even make some mistakes.
It would be lovely if we could simply drop into the lifestyle as if we were born to it, miraculously transitioning from being a normal married couple into instant experts, but it’s not like that.
In fact, the more you read the forums and blogs and try to conform to the image of a male chastity keyholder as she’s typically portrayed, then the less likely you are to have a successful result.
To make it successful, it’s got to work for both of you. The only way you can know what the other person wants is to talk about it and agree terms; and the only way you’ll then know if the other person is getting what they want is… to talk about it!
I and thousands of other women have found locking our men in chastity to be a wonderful expression of our love and a delightful and – let’s be honest – surprising new direction in my sexuality.
However, it’s not always been easy – and one of the mist difficult lessons I learned as a male chastity keyholder was that it’s not all about “me” at all: it’s about both of us, just as our whole marriage is.
Look, you’ll read a lot of hype and nonsense about male chastity, and really what you want is sane, serious and realistic information and advice so you can make those all-important choices, right?
So if you’re SICK and TIRED of reading all the obviously made-up Blogs and forum posts about male chastity and having a strict chastity keyholder then you need to get the TRUTH about it from a genuine lifestyle couple who are living it 24/7.