Do not we all wish to be loved, respected, and viewed positively by others?
Our good relationships are essential to self-esteem and personal happiness. If we learn someone does not care for us or rejects us in some way, our response can be anything from defensiveness to deep hurt and sadness.
For those who try to be likable and attractive to everyone, you extremely discover how exhausting and futile this effort is. It simply is not possible to be pleasant and likeable to everyone. Even if you could be, you will always lose sight of who you are in the process. People pleasers are really just actors playing a part to impress others. Sadly, this can backfire spectacularly, and you can alienate the very people you had hoped to charm.
Being irresistibly attractive to others requires that we must first love and respect ourselves.
Once we are able to view ourselves as lovable, we can embrace and reveal our own authentic personalities, needs, ideas, and values. When we are true to ourselves and comfortable in our own skin, we begin to release the pheromones of attractiveness to others.
It's true that not everyone will be fascinated by your authenticity, but the people who are attracted to you will be sincere and mature individuals who value honest and unaffected relationships.
Self-love and authenticity create the foundation for attractiveness. To strengthen this foundation and foster the transition from "acting to impress" to naturally appealing the right people into your life, you may need to shift your thinking and actions.
Here are 30 actions and shifts that will help you become irresistibly attractive:
1. Define a personal operating system. Begin to determine your own life philosophy, values, and interests rather than simply accepting what your family, peers, religion, or culture tell you is right for you.
2. Release the need for validation. You do not need to be motivated by the opinions of others or by a need for recognition. You your values and integrity as a guide for what's important.
3. Trust your instincts and experiment. Enjoy the discovery process of learning what you enjoy and find exciting, even if you have to fail a few times to find out
4. Accept others as they are. Let go of judgments and criticism of others. Focus on people's strengths rather than their faults.
5. Truly hear people. Go beyond just listening by acknowledging others and letting them know that you really get them.
6. Deal with unresolved matters in your life. Restore your integrity. Forgive and ask forgiveness where necessary. Match your actions to your integrity.
7. Adopt a healthy lifestyle. Exercise daily. Eat healthy foods to support your body, not your emotions. Do this because you respect yourself, not to impress others.
8. Make things happen. Be the creator, instigator, and collaborator. Share your enthusiasm. Do not wait for others to take charge.
9. Show by your actions you care. Do not just talk – show people in ways that are meaningful to them, not you.
10. Ask for the best of people. View them not only for who they are now, but who they can be. Share that vision with them.
11. Make sure your needs are met. Define your critical needs and communicate them fully in your relationships. Do not compromise these needs simple to keep peace or hang on.
12. Speak in constructive ways. Use your words to uplift, inspire, motivate, and encourage. Do not give unsolicited "constructive criticism" or make minor digs.
13. Laugh easily. Have a lighthearted about you. Take life less seriously and choose to find and create fun and joy.
14. Stop the gossip. Do not talk about others in openly or subtlety critical ways. Refuse to share information for the feeling of power or intrigue.
15. Make requests without whining. If you need or want something, ask for it directly. Do not whine or complain to them or others.
16. Handle situations quickly and completely. Kindly but clearly deal with negative situations as soon as possible. Do not allow resentments to build.
17. Just do not argument. Simply smile and walk away until healthy communication is possible.
18. Offer help, but only when asked. Do not assume other people need or want you to fix them or that you know best. Be available but give help only when it's requested ..
19. Care deeply, but remain detached. Show your loved ones you care deeply about them when they have problems, but do not get entangled in their problems.
20. See with your heart before your eyes. Try to see others for who they are inside. Financial status, appearance, and notoriety, all meaning nothing in the scheme of things.
21. Do not say yes when you mean no. If you mean no, your yes will be soured with resentment. Say yes only when you mean it.
22. Be grateful and show it. Let people know that you feel blessed to have them in your life.
23. Do not play the guilt card. Do not manipulate or hurt someone by trying to make them feel guilty about their choices, decisions, or actions.
24. Give more than is expected. Do not over-commit, but freely give more than you promise.
26. Be a big person. Do not try to take credit, diminish others, or hold back on praise. Offer acknowledgment and power when it is needed and deserved.
27. Be confident but humble. Laugh at yourself, acknowledge your flaws, and accept that they do not define you.
28. Keep learning. Recognize that there is always something to learn, even from those who appear "less than." Maintain a "beginner's mind."
29. Give gifts that others want. Not just gifts to impress or that are more important to you than the receiver.
30. Continue to challenge yourself. Do not settle for mediocre. Do not languish in past accomplishments. Keep moving forward and exude enthusiasm about the possibilities and the actions to make them happen.
31. Simplify your life. Scale back so you are not stressed, cluttered, or distracted. Allow yourself time and room to focus.
32. Go with the flow. Do not fight against situations you can not control. Move effortlessly in a different direction.
33. Accept you may not be attractive to everyone. As you evolve, you may find that fewer people are attracted to you – but what an amazing group of people they are!